One of the many aspects of my job that I enjoy is that I
have the opportunity to work with a wide range of ages. I have clients as young as 6 years old all
the way up to senior citizens planning their “second half”. Along the way, I’ve learned a tremendous
amount from all of them but this quote from one of my 9 year old clients has stuck
with me. “When I do bad, I feel
bad. When I do good, I feel good”. Sounds simple but I’d challenge if we all
went by this motto, we’d be much better off.
The kiddo who originally said this was confessing about some
things he’d done behind his mom’s back.
My job as a therapist sometimes feels a little like a priest at
confession time. We all make mistakes
and there is some biology behind some mental illness, but in general feeling
depressed or anxious can be a direct result of how we’re acting, the choices we
make, and how we think about ourselves and others.
I recently found trash in my outside bin that wasn’t
mine. I immediately (in my mind) blamed
a neighbor and came up with a million very negative thoughts about them and the
situation (they’re lazy; they’re cheap and trying to fill my bin versus theirs,
etc.). Later I found out that the trash
was my dear mothers who had selflessly been at my house taking care of my dogs
and home. Now all of a sudden the trash
was no bother at all. Lesson….my
thoughts…all the blaming and labeling….made me feel crappy. The trash was the same; it was my attitude
and thoughts that had changed. Even if
the trash had been someone else’s….my thoughts, actions, choices determined how
I felt about it. Bottom line, when I think positive thoughts,
when I’m kind and compassionate, when I choose to do the right thing…I feel
good. When I don’t, I feel bad.
A great teacher once said “Keep your circle positive. Say good words. Think good thoughts. Do good deeds”, but I think my nine year old
client says it just as well. “When we do
bad, we feel bad. When we do good, we
feel good”. By the way, the same client
also said my hair looked “old” so I think it’s time for a fresh dye job. Got to love kids!
Such wisdom in the child's words about feelings.
ReplyDeleteBy the by, when I saw you several weeks ago, your hair looked great, but if you haven't had it done since then, I would probably have to agree with the kid. ☺ Just curious, what was your response to the hair comment?
Ha ha.....well, I'm not sure what my response was but this kiddo I happen to see late in the day so it might have had more to do with looking haggard in general :-) One thing about working with kids, you have to have a healthy self-esteem. They will say what others are thinking but wouldn't say, like "you look fat", "you remind me of my nana", "why don't you have a boyfriend", etc. All those are things kids have actually said to me. They will also tell me I'm their best friend, that they love me, and that I'm beautiful so I guess it all works out :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be exposed to more kids now that I'm back among my family. How do you respond to these things (e. g., you look fat)? I just want to be prepared.
ReplyDeleteYea, it's tricky right? I factor in age but in general I'm very honest with kids and appreciate them being honest too. If they're old enough to understand etiquette I might say "even though I'm OK with you noticing I've gained weight, usually you never talk to a woman about her weight or age" - which I have had to say :-). If they're just making an observation "you're hair looks old" I'll probably agree with them if they're right or if it's a preference thing "I don't like your dress" then I might redirect them and say something like "Oh that's too bad, I love all the fun colors" because it's important for them to learn everyone is different and that it is OK to have a difference in opinion. In general kids are just terribly honest and I think it's refreshing but it's also OK to let them know your parameters.
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