4 Life Lessons I Learned From My Dogs

As most of you know I’m terribly attached to my two little dogs.  I’m one of those obnoxious people that take my dogs in the car, to outdoor restaurants, they sleep with me at night and I have even been known to dress them in clothes.  With that said, I really do believe I have learned some great life lessons from them.  Here they are:

Attitude is everything.  OK, so both my dogs are small but they have very big spirits.  One of mine did all the training with me while I was getting ready to hike in Peru.  She (at only 9 pounds) hiked every week with my hiking club (sometimes twice a week) over 10 miles at a time.  She not only hiked, she would wade in the creeks, dig holes, chase squirrels, etc. meaning she actually hiked twice as much as I did.  I think she was able to do it because there were much bigger stronger dogs in the group and she saw them do it and assumed she could to.  No one told her she couldn’t or treated her any differently so there she went.  A lot of times our thoughts about our abilities (not our abilities themselves) is what limits us.  How much more would we attempt if we assumed we could accomplish it?

Have a zest for life.   Have you ever seen a dog go outside to play after being cooped up for a couple of days?  It’s amazing – they run, jump, sniff everything, dig, and roll in the grass.  We recently had a couple of rainy days and after being in doors most of the time I let mine outside to play.  I thought with the cold temperature and wet grass they’d quickly want back in.  No…in fact, it seemed they were never happier.  They made the best of the situation.   Sometimes our circumstances are not the best.  We all face difficult situations at some point in our life.  The goal is not to avoid difficult situations but to not let those situations limit of enjoyment of life.

Be brave.  Even though they’re small, both my dogs are really gutsy.  If a piece of food falls on the ground, they grab it up quick.  If they don’t like it they’ll spit it out but they don’t want to risk missing out.  If there’s a toy they want, they go for it.  They would never let a bigger dog bully them at the dog park.  If there is some unknown object in the yard, they don’t run or hide – they go explore and seek it out.  Sometimes our fears limit our choices – we only want what is predictable or safe when there are great things out there that just require us to be brave to reach them. 

Only trust people worth trusting.  It’s a little sad but one of my pups will still flinch if I make a move towards her too quickly.  (They’re both rescues).  Even though I’ve never done anything scary of hurtful to her, she learned early on in her life some people aren’t trustworthy.  It’s not cowardly to make people earn our trust, it’s smart.  It’s a gift to open up and be vulnerable to someone – we have to make sure they deserve it.  We also have to be trustworthy to those we love.  I have to work every day to prove to her that I’m trustworthy and would never hurt her.

(My two pups even like selfies - both rescue pups - adopted through AustinPetsAlive)

Contentment Versus Competition Scuba Style

Last year my son and I decided to take scuba lessons.   In our class were a father (who promptly felt the need to tell all of us about his past military experience and what a strong swimmer he was), his teen age son (who made it clear he didn’t want to be there), his younger son (who look terrified), myself and my son.  This class was going to be challenging and choosing to do it in open ocean (versus in a pool) added to the difficulty.  To make matters worse, it soon became very apparent that the father of the other group planned to make everything a competition.

Unfortunately pretty quickly our little group began is crumble under the stress of the open ocean training.  The little guy was the first to quit.  He had about a 30 minute crying spell the first time salt water got in his mask and it quickly went downhill from there.   The dad in all his wisdom tried to beg, plead, guilt trip, etc. with no avail.  Mom was called in and the little fellow was out of the program.  The dad was not happy.

Next came the open water swim.  The other  teenager about half way through the swim, announced he thought “something was in the water” – my guess he’s right – a lot of fish – and he was out.  Now the dad was really frustrated.  If this had been a competition (and there was no reason for it to be) he was losing to a middle aged, fairly out of shape woman and her teenager.

For the last activity of the day, our instructor made it a little game where we were going to see who used the least oxygen (indicating slowest breathing – a good thing in scuba).   At the end, who used the least……me (it’s all that meditation).  I’m not saying that to brag, but to explain why at that point the father lost it.  He got very frustrated, complained his gage wasn’t working right, etc.  Was he really mad about the last silly test?  No, he was mad because his two sons both quit and he was out a lot of money due to rest of his party not completing.  But, I’d challenge his biggest frustration was he went in with the perception that this was a competition and he was going to win.

The point of all this is that competition is a fine emotion.  It pushes us to do well, think creatively, learn new skills, etc.  But when competition became a barrier instead of a benefit (preventing him from identifying when things were getting too tough for his youngest son or that he’d over-estimated his teen son’s desire to participate)it went from beneficial to a deterrent.  We were in beautiful water experiencing the opportunity of a life time and instead of enjoying it, he was angry and bitter. 

I’ve always said our circumstances don’t determine our well-being.  How we think about our circumstances, our perceptions and how we manage those perceptions and thoughts determine our happiness.  He could have chosen at any time to think differently about the situation, adapt to the new circumstances but instead kept on the same course and missed an opportunity to just enjoy what was.  Meanwhile, I’m happy to report we both got certified and are planning our first dive trip over spring break.

“Happiness is a choice, not a result” ~ Ralph Marslo

An Object In Motion Stays In Motion

I’ve been told I say a number of quirky southern sayings.  Some are not to be said in good company.  Hopefully they’re inspiring or meaningful in some way.  I’ve also learned a number of sayings from my clients.  One of my clients often says “an object in motion stays in motion” meaning whatever they’re working towards; they’re not going to stop pursuing it.

I thought of that saying this weekend as I participated in a fun run with my sister.  I’m not really a runner but I enjoy the comradery of a fun run and I love spending time with my sister (who unlike me is an avid runner).  Along the route they offer water, Gatorade or even better (since this one was the hot chocolate fun run) candy.  Even though stopping seemed like a good idea, it was much more difficult to get back on track after stopping.  Where I hadn’t noticed as much before, after stopping I felt the soreness in my legs and the fatigue throughout my body.  A trainer once told me, if you feel like you can’t run any further, swing your arms and your legs will follow.   Guess he was also a believer in the “object in motion stays in motion” theory.

I think this idea of movement creating movement is a great one for our personal development as well.  If we’ve set a goal for ourselves and we’re always pushing forward, even if we’re not always successful,  just by continuing to move forward we’re much more likely to be triumphant than if we stop. 

Is there something you want to change?  Some goal you were pursuing and have given up on?  Maybe what you need is some movement.   Are there some things you could do (however small) to start working towards that change?  A few action steps that you could incorporate into your schedule?  I  know for me one goal I have is to do a little more training so these fun runs are more fun and less work.   Good luck in your goals and keep moving!   (Picture of my sister and I, 2015 Hot Chocolate Fun Run, Dallas TX)

A Chef's Guide To The New Year

Many of you may not know but several years ago I took a sabbatical and left the mental health field.  While most people use a year off to travel or take on a journey of self-discovery, I enrolled in the patisserie and baking program at Le Cordon Bleu.  It was an experience I will never forget and even though I now only bake for fun, I learned some lessons that are still applicable today.

If you have any romantic visions of what culinary study looks like, let me dispel them.  It sometimes felt as if I spent as much time scrubbing floors, washing dishes, and treating burns as I did baking.  The foundation of our training was “mise en place” which in French means “everything in its place”.    Culinary students tended to be more creative and artistic than the average person so our lean was to create, not plan, prepare, and clean.  Our chef instructors quickly corrected that (hell kitchen is more realistic than I’d like to think).   We were judged not just on our dish, but on our organization and cleanliness of our work station.   From this experience, I discovered three aspects to mise en place that can apply to our everyday lives.

1.  Prepare - before you start, have a vision (recipe) of where you want to go.  Have a goal, a clear vision of what you want the end product to look like.  Decide what tools or support you might need to get there.   In class we’d have to submit a drawing or written description of what we were going to create before we even started.   What is your goal for the year?  How do you want things to be different?   What do you need to put in place to reach your goals?
    
2. Create – even if you’ve gathered all the ingredients, the meal isn’t going to cook itself.  We have to do the work.  Sometimes we have to be creative, adapt, be flexible but we can’t give up.  In school, we had to present something.  If you made a cake and it totally fell, you had to get up in front of the whole class and present a fallen cake.  There was no out, no do-over.  Life is that way.  We have one go around, one opportunity to create the life we want.   
    
3. Clean As You Go- While creating, we make a mess.  We have things that didn’t work out, tools we needed at one point but no longer need.  If we don’t clean as we go, the dirty dishes and tools get in the way of our new project.  Our past is that way.  Keep the memories and lessons that are helpful moving forward and get rid of the ones that are just getting in the way.
    

So, for this New Year, get everything in its place and make it the best year yet!  Happy new years from me and my family to you and yours. 

Apple Cider Versus Coffee

During this time of year, a lot of us (including myself) spend some time reflecting on the previous year and what our hopes and expectations are for the New Year.  Some people (unfortunately not me) clean out closets or file cabinets.  It’s a time of renewal and new beginnings.   Sometimes it’s more than old clothes or papers we need to part with but also old experiences.   

I recently had a funny incident with my niece and nephew.  I had taken them to the blue Santa parade (an Austin tradition) the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  I thought as a special treat I’d take hot cider and cookies to snack on during the parade.  While watching the bands and floats go by, I offered some cider to one of the kids.  He quickly said it “smells funny” and refused to drink it.  Well, this kiddo is a picky eater and is known to refuse to eat perfectly good food so I ignored his complaint and gave cider to his sister.  His sister quickly made the same complaint and refused to drink hers.  Now I was getting frustrated.  Being the good aunt that I am, I decided to prove them both wrong and drink it myself.  What do you know….it did smell funny.  Turns out, I used a thermos that I normally used to transport my coffee and what the kids smelled was old coffee residue.  It became clear that the thermos was of need of a deep cleaning.  

The whole situation reminded me that sometimes things that have happened in the past can influence our experience in the present.  Though the coffee had long been gone, its influence was still present.  Are there some situations that you experienced this year that need to be eliminated from your sphere of influence so they don’t carry over into next year?  Grudges that need forgiven.  Wrongs that need to be dismissed?  Pains that need to heal?   If so, purge them.  Decide that you are not going to allow them to effect your future.  Take whatever steps you need to take so that any negative experiences from this year do not have the power to take away your joy in the New Year. 

As for me, I have to apologize to two of my favorite people and hopefully make it up to them.  I have a feeling they’ll never want cider at my house but maybe I can make it up to them with Christmas cookies?

When Life Gives You Lemons, Make A Berry Pie

Ever have one of those days when the stars are misaligned and everything that could do wrong does? I had one of those this week, 24 hours of mishap.

It all started when I came home from work and noticed that my grass had gotten terribly over-grown and one of my kitchen lights had burned out. After I’d assembled everything needed to mow, I realized there was no gas in the mower. Later that evening, Dax (my foster dog) decided I was going to slow for him and bolted and spent half the night running amuck the neighborhood (me chasing behind him in my pajamas). After carrying the big dog home and having only a couple hours of sleep, I decided to make quiche for my son and me for breakfast. After thawing out the pie crusts and warming the oven I discovered I was short the number of eggs needed. Then the final straw, I went to get my morning coffee and all that comes out is a small amount of very dark brew. Evidently the coffee maker wasn’t working. That’s when I had the poisonous thought “It’s going to be one of those days”.

We have to be careful about what we label things. One of my favorite sayings is “Our mind seeks to confirm what it already believes to be true”. So, if I decide that a day is going to be filled with negative events, I’ll notice every negative thing that happens. Maybe it’s a traffic jam, a spilt cup, a slow checkout line at the grocery store. But I could have the exact same day with the expectation that it was going to be a great day and I’d notice all the nice things that happen. I might notice the beautiful weather or how much I enjoy my lunch. It’s the same day….the only difference is the expectation and intention.

So, as I sat there with my tiny bit of overly-strong coffee looking at knee high tall grass, I declared, “Oh good, now all the bad stuff is out of the way so I can have a great day”. Then I went and made berry pie with the pie crust meant for quiche in my dim kitchen. My son and I had a delicious berry pie for breakfast. And you know what? It was a good day. Our thoughts are powerful; let’s use them to make us feel better, not worse.

What’s The Difference Between A Feeling And An Emotion….Just A Story

One thing I struggle with is impulsivity.  I’m not always good about restraint and assessing all options before leaping.   It has brought me some great unexpected benefits and some painful moments.  This weekend my son and I received information regarding a dog that was at risk of euthanasia.  We’re both animal lovers and without any real planning we went and picked up this un-adoptable, very scared dog.  I’m not sure if this is one of those “great idea” moments or “what was I thinking” moments.  What I do know is this pup is terribly scared of people (not loud noises, other dogs, storms, etc.).   He’s doing better now but he spent the first 48 hours cowering in a corner scared to death.

I was reading an article the other day that discussed that the only difference between a feeling and an emotion was a story.  For example, if someone cuts us off on the highway, we’re angry (feeling) but later that day we’ve completely forgotten about it and it holds no real meaning.  A friend betrays our trust and causes us great pain and we may still be angry about it five years later (emotion).  It’s an interesting concept.  Makes me wonder what story my foster pup has.  He’s not just experiencing a feeling, he’s experiencing an emotion – somewhere on his journey he experienced a very scary story.

So, what do you do with a pup that is so afraid of human contact he cowers in a corner?  You give him a new story.  You show him every day how people can be a source of love and compassion.  You speak in soft, re-assuring tones.  You’re patient when he runs from you for no reason.  You don’t take his rejection personal because you understand, he’s got a story.  It’s our job as dog foster parents to help him replace his old scary story with one that will benefit him, not keep him paralyzed in fear.  We all have stories but if we have one that is taking away our options, affecting our future, and providing a negative emotion (fear, anger, etc.) we need to replace that story.  As for the pup, I’ll let you know how it goes but I’m hoping he’s able to create a story that allows him to bond with a loving, forever family.